“Don’t be left in the dark using some old fashioned kibanda vibes,Get to par with the new Kibandaski catchy names and phrases to use”
We began our journey with ‘The New Dawn’ at Musyoka’s with ka Samaki Na Ugali. Then we found magical spicy matumbo right in the middle of Tao before nyama choma with some ka firi firi. If you read all those escapades you are the guy, if you have been to even one of them places, my friend you are THE GUY. Kibandaski will have you covered whenever you need some quality fine dining at some January friendly rates.
This time however we kick this show off on the right foot. Before we discover some hidden gems in the food industry, I am going to briefly turn into teacher. Just for this issue. We don’t want you to just go to a Kibandaski, eat and be done. No, a Kibandaski experience is only wholesome when you fully experience it. 360 degrees. And you cannot achieve this if you don’t understand the language. The inner lingua, that sets Kibandaski above the rest. So here are some phrases you will come across on your Kibandascapades. Use them and you will be received like a regular customer. That means better service, perhaps, just perhaps more food and an unforgettable experience.
Chapati dunga – this is where a chapati is rolled and pierced with a fork.
Chapati dondosa – this is where a chapati is served whole while floating on thick soup.
Chapati msalaba – this is where a chapati is sliced into four equal quarters. The cuttings resemble a cross
Chapati kifagio – this is where a chapati is sliced into thin many vertical strips. Also known ata katakata
Chapati chafua – this is where a chapati is sliced into many pieces as possible. Usually they are sliced into squares that are approximately 3.5 centimeters squared (do the mathematics. I am the Kibandaski guru), and then splattered with thin soup
Chapati mbao / chapati mawe – this is a dry chapati, those that break easily like a piece of wood
Chapati Marashi …Where chapo is passed over beef stew ndio inuke kama nyama. January could use this no?
Smocha – this is chapati na smokie with some kachumbari.
Ugali saucer / wembe / discount – This one I know you know. As these tu millennials say ‘If you know you know.’
Ugali mlima – this is an enourmous chunk of ugali served only to professionals and is usually served with a warning. “Weeh, ukikosa kuimaliza, utaongeza kumi!”
Tumbukiza – this is where meat is over boiled until the meat is very soft. Usually served without salt. Tumbukiza special (speshio) has no bones.
Kahawa kifo – if you have done kahawa chungu; this is worse! It usually contains lots of “Kahawa no 1” (ile ile ya kitambo ya cucu na guka, wakicombine na ngwacii) and is overboiled till it is black. It is then served without sugar. Simply put: It is literally burnt coffee!
Mandazi pasua – This is where a mandazi is made an incision at the side and a delicacy inserted inside of it. So kaa ndani ya sausage is a mandazi with a sausage in it. We have Pasua ya samosa etc.
Samaki cassette – Remember at Musyoka’s? This is fish which has bones in it. It is served WHOLE whereby, a person starts eating it on one side (Side A ). Once done, it is then turned to the other side (Side B ). A successful completed eating mission is certified once the only thing left on the plate are intact bones of the fish and the head. Sometimes, the head can also be dealt with as a separate cassette.
Karare – chapati nusu
Combat – Githeri. If you don’t know ni Beans and Maize aii.
Mix / missile / kadhalika – this is mchanganyiko/mixture of everything on the soup menu. Involves madondo, sukuma, nyama, ndengu etc.
Na inasemwa na style, so don’t go shouting ati “Nipatie missile ya 20!” – Nooo! Inasemwa hivi, “Haya Mr. Man, hebu nibonde na chapo missile ya ka forty, na ikuje chapchap kabla niachwe na ndege.”
Teargas – Pilipili. The sting in it varies from place to place, so chunga sana.
C.N.N …Chapati Na Ndengu.
U.S.A …Ugali Sukuma Avocado (Hii pia ni formula ya kufukuza minyoo kwa tumbo)
C.M.B …Chapati Mbili na Beans
Githeri Migingo …This is githeri that has 1 potato in the middle
Choma – Pouring beans stew / soup on top of either slices or wholesome Chapati or Mandazi. (Mandazi choma)
Piganisha – Mixing all of them. Piganisha madondo na avocado.
Miti – Toothpick
Chai Nylon – Tea with less milk and a lot of water
Visit a Kibanda this weekend na ujienjoy, ama namna gani my frens?